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I want to chronicle this, so I don't forget all the details (trigger warning)

So I haven't been able to sleep well lately and I have been having a lot of anxiety and I believe that it is related to the attack, well I'm sure of it. Then last night, I took Roxie out to the bathroom around midnight and decided to check the mail while we were out there, well a car sped up and stopped about 20 feet from where we were standing with 3 black men inside (I'm really not racist, the guy who attacked me happened to be black, so unfortunately I am currently terrified of young black thug looking men). One of the men jumped out screaming "you fucking bitch", at which time I took off running and turned back at a safe distance and he had gone around slammed his trunk closed, that had apparently popped open, in retrospect I have no idea if they were even aware that I was standing there, I think he was upset that his trunk came open and was yelling about that, not at me like I thought he was. . . Needless to say, If I wasn't vegan I think I would have had a heart attack on the spot, thank goodness for all those greens! So I am pretty much in a constant state of anxiety right now, I did buy some Kava Kava which is supposed to help. . . helps with anxiety and also relaxes your muscles which is nice because I have a constant aching to run in my legs, even after I work out like crazy. . . So late last night I decided that I need to put in writing everything that happened, because as the days go on, I'm afraid that I'm forgetting things, and I don't want to forget, that may seem weird, but I don't. So here it goes, I'll probably do this in segments since it will be really long, and please excuse my writing skills, I am by no means a novelist. . . .

Saturday July 9, 2011:
I worked the Saturday shift a Miami Valley hospital and it was a crazy crazy day! I discharged more patients than I ever had days prior and I got off work and was extremely tired and ready to have some fun. Amy and I planned on going out with my friend Mercedes and Carmen from work, Mercedes has 3 kids and never gets to go out, so we made sure that we were going to hang out with her, since it was close to when we would be moving to Austin.

I had been dieting and working out and had lost 17 pounds by that date in two months and was really proud of it, as a result I hadn't been drinking much and when I did, I was intoxicated rather quickly. Amy and I started the night out at Trolley Stop on 5th street in Dayton, a bar in the "Oregon District" that we and the other Dayton lesbians frequented. We parked on the really nice residential street behind the bar as we had many many nights before and joined our friends in the bar.

Sunday July 10th:
We both had a few drinks and then Mercedes and Carmen met us up there and we did shots of Tequila, which means Maureen was in rare form at this point! After that we rode with Mercedes in her van over to another bar called Therapy Cafe for latino night (Mercedes and Carmen are really into Latino men). We got drinks and danced a bit and then I started feeling ill, so me and Amy went outside. While we were out there, I told her I was going to be sick to my stomach and that we should leave, she asked if we should get Mercedes to drive us back to our car since I was so sick and I told her no, that it was alright, I would be fine. She repeatedly asked me if I was sure and I repeatedly told her I was fine. We left and texted Mercedes and she immediately texted back asking if we wanted a ride, I texted her that we were fine and thanked her.

On the way back to the car, I vomited in a parking lot full of semi's, right next to one of the trucks. Then Amy helped me walk back to the car. We were about 3/4 of a mile away from the car, we made all the way to the nice residential street that our car was parked on and started walking down the street. At this point it was about 2 am and no one else was walking down the street (Van Buren) that is usually crowded with people returning to there cars after leaving the bars a block over on 5th street. So we are walking and we are less than a block away from our car, when a tall young black man seems to come out of no where walking towards us, we are both a little frightened, but then he moves out of the way and says excuse me to Amy and apologizes for being in our way. We continue walking and think to ourselves what a nice guy.

About 10 seconds later, that nice guy came up behind us and has a gun pointed directly at my head and yells "give me everything you got". My immediate instinct is to reach for my pockets, however I quickly realize that I don't have everything and Amy has what he is looking for in her pocket. (Now a lot of this is blurry for me, most of it I know from what Amy helped me remember) Then all of a sudden Amy jumps in front of me and hits his hand and and we all tumble to the ground. Then I'm not sure how it happened, but I was on the ground and Amy was on top of me and the guy was on top of her. I can't remember in what order it all happened but he shot the gun and said " what, are you fucking stupid, I will fucking kill you, I am going to fucking kill you." (at this point I am not sure where that gun shot went, I didn't know if he shot her or the air or what he shot, at this point I personally said goodbye to the world, I was in disbelief that this was all my life was for, that it would all end like this, that all I had been through would end here, that all I had worked for ended here, that I would never get to Austin, Texas, that I would never see the love of my life again, that it was all over. . .I will never forget that feeling for as long as I live.

So then he kept yelling at Amy to give him her phone and she can't find it, it must have fell out of her pocket, the same pockets that I kept reaching into and handing things to him out of, I kept reaching into them even when there was nothing left to take out, thinking if I found one more thing he might go away and leave us alone. Then he started pistol whipping her and me, at some point he broke three bones in my face and at some point he cracked the crown of my head, I'm not sure in what order and he was saying "tell him to let go of my balls". At this point we were both confused, who was "him" and who had a hold of his balls? Then Amy realized it was her, she had no idea, she was doing it subconsciously. So at that point she released his balls, so he would stop pistol whipping me. One thing that I don't remember but Amy does and says she will never get out of her head, was when he hit me with the gun the second time, she said that I gasped and it was the worst sound she ever heard and that her heart broke right there and then. .. I don't remember that. Also throughout this time, he had the gun pushing into the back of her head, and her directly on the ground telling her he was going to kill her if she didn't give him her phone (as if she was really willing to die to keep her phone, like she wasn't trying to give it to him).

So she let go of his balls, never could find her phone and then I don't know what happened (althought later we found out what might have happened), but he decided to let us go, he told us to run one way (toward Wayne Avenue) and he would run the other. So we started running, that was the scariest feeling in the world, I wasn't sure if he was following us or not, neither was Amy, we were terrified and I just kept repeating to her, it's ok, everything is going to be ok, because we are still alive. Then we got to Wayne and I was so terrified that he was following us that I just ran directly into the street, traffic oncoming waving my hands, trying to get someone to stop. Amy ran out and grabbed me and pulled me back to the curb, she was afraid that I would get hit, and no one was stopping, so we ran around the corner, to 5th street right by Trolley Stop, where we began our night hours earlier and this is when the most horrifying part of the evening began. . . as if what had already happened wasn't bad enough. . . .

I will pick up here next time

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September 2011

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